I hope y’all have a fun, fireworks-filled weekend, remembering that people fought for our freedom, the same freedom that gives us the right to enjoy, uninhibited, a fun, fireworks-filled weekend.
Have a happy 4th!
Posted in Holidays | Tagged 4th of July, family, fireworks, Independence Day, parenting | Leave a Comment »
The following is by today’s guest blogger, Linda Vujnov, author of Spilt Milk
No Sharing!
My mother is the queen of sharing. When dining together, if your meal does not appear as appetizing as hers, she will not only offer you tastes, but will trade entrees on request, unless you happened to order fish. She doesn’t eat fish.
There must have been some sort of genetic glitch since I am not a big fan of sharing food. My hoarding teeters on that of a beaver who is anticipating a long winter.
Since there are such rare moments when I can sit and enjoy a salad or plate of nachos that I have thrown together for myself, my greediness accelerates when the little kids saunter over and begin to stare at my delicacies. The bigger children give an, “Oooh, that looks good. Can I have some?” and pretty soon I’m up on my feet, with half of my meal pecked at by vultures, concocting nachos for four. I’m often surprised at their willingness to eat again after they consumed lunch twenty minutes prior to my sitting down. Oh, for the metabolism of youth!
I’m even worse about sharing dessert. After the children are kissed, hugged, prayed over, and covered, lights turned off, nightlights turned on, fans arranged and powered up, blankies located, “I love you’s” exchanged, backs tickled, and drinks of water administered (insert a sigh, whew, and deep breath, here), I love to scoop out extreme amounts of chocolate chip ice cream into a bowl, slather the top with whipped cream, and then plop my body on the couch for some down time.
Although my husband is well aware of my stinginess, on occasion, in the middle of my ice cream intake, he will ask for a bite of my dessert. Begrudgingly I serve him. Good thing we typically have opposite tastes in dessert. While he is a Popsicle, I am a frosted brownie covered with heaps of ice cream and whipped cream. Popsicles are a beverage, not a dessert.
After coming clean with my selfish disease, I have mustered up the strength to share every now and again with less bitterness. However, I now know better than to make nachos or a bowl of ice cream for myself when the children are present. At those moments I stick with something they will avoid—a feta cheese and spinach omelet.
Linda Vujnov is a writer and speaker and the mother of four kids, a girl and three boys. She blogs at Spilt Milk.
Leave a comment for a chance to win one of 3 (three) copies of Linda’s book, Spilt Milk. Contest ends Friday, July 10, 2009. Get a bonus chance by signing up to receive my blog either by RSS or email, then leave me a comment letting me know.
Posted in Giveaways!, Guest Bloggers | Tagged book giveaway, children, family, family issues, family relationships, giveaway, kids, parenting, parents, sharing, spilt milk | 3 Comments »
The Evolution of a Natural Birthing, Attachment Parenting, Homeschooling Mom
When I was pregnant with my first child, I assumed he’d sleep in a crib. After all, that’s where babies sleep, right?
At that time, I’d never heard of co-sleeping, slings or attachment parenting. Dr. Brazelton was barely on my radar, much less Dr. Sears. I’m assuming I planned to breastfeed – since I never stocked up on formula – but I wasn’t particularly passionate about it either way. As for labor and birth, I don’t think I gave them much thought either. I took the series of childbirth classes at our local hospital and read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, but that’s about it.
Then my son was born, and everything changed.
After an uncomfortable and slightly scary birth that ended with the doctor dragging my son out with forceps, I wondered whether or not my epidural might have been a factor. I’d heard that epidurals are related to an increased risk of instrumental delivery. Was there a link? And what if I had never agreed to let the doctor break my water in the first place? After all, that’s what made me insist on the epidural.
I read. I learned. (One of my favorite books was The Birth Book, by Dr. Sears.) For my next birth, I chose a certified nurse midwife and opted for IV pain relief and water immersion instead of an epidural. By birth #3, I’d opted out of the hospital all together; boys # 3 and 4 were born without the aid of pain medication at the first out-of-hospital birthing center in the state of Wisconsin.
I’m not saying my choices are right for everyone, just that my choices were right for me. Through trial and error, I learned what worked best for me.
And so it’s gone, through 11+ years of parenting. When I realized that my newborn son slept better beside me, he slept beside me. When not nursing during a painful bout of mastitis was far more painful than continue to nurse, I kept nursing, eventually discovering the joy of breastfeeding. For me, it was the easiest way. No bottles, no formula, no mess.
It felt natural for me to hold my son frequently and often, to respond to his cries. Later I would learn that this high-touch style of parenting (especially when coupled with breastfeeding and babywearing) is called attachment parenting.
As for homeschooling, it’s more of the same. School just didn’t work for my son. He’s always been a highly motivated, highly individualized leader who learns best by following his own light. After watching his love of learning dwindle – and seeing him grow to hate school (by age 5!) – we knew it was time to make a change. We worked with the school for a while, but eventually decided to homeschool.
It worked! And so here I am, 11+ years after becoming a parent: a natural birthing, attachment parenting, homeschooling mom. My brother calls me a hippie, but that’s OK with me. Parenting is a system of trial and error, and as every parent knows, what works one day may not work the next. But for now, this works for me.
Jennifer Fink is a freelance writer and homeschooler and blogs about raising, educating and learning with her four boys at Blogging ‘Bout Boys.
Posted in Guest Bloggers | Tagged parenting, family, guest blogger, attachment parenting, natural birthing, homeschooling | Leave a Comment »
“Mom, I really want to marry you,” Logan announced out of the blue as I was working in the kitchen this evening.
“That’s sweet,” I said.
I must have sounded dismissive because he said, “Seriously. I really want to marry you, ‘cuz I really like you.”
“I really like you too,” I said. “That’s very sweet of you, but kids can’t get married. And boys can’t marry their moms.”
“But why not?” he demanded. “I REALLY want to!”
“Yes, I understand, but you’ll just have to pretend,” I said.
He continued to argue over the logistics of this plan and why it was ill-suited for his particular desires.
I listened, feeling flattered by his proposal, even though it’s one he’s extended multiple times. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, if this little chat was sincere or if it was designed to distract me. You see, right before he made his announcement, I had busted him for getting into the candy jar without asking, right before supper, no less. (The chocolate mustache kind of gave him away.)
Have your kids attempted to distract you from their mischief?
Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged children, family, kids, mom, parenting | 2 Comments »
Sarah: What are some simple ways that parents can make their communication more effective?
Gila: When coaching parents, I teach them to use the following tools towards effective communication. It takes work, but is well worth it.
1. Listen Without Judgment — Bite your tongue. Control the impulse to correct, advise or judge. Encourage kids to open up. Just listen.
2. Respond to Feelings, Not Behaviors — Look past behaviors to identify the underlying feelings. Address the cause, not the symptoms.
3. Empower Kids to Problem Solve — Give kids the opportunity to come up with solutions to problems independently. Encourage creative problem solving and win-win solutions.
S: What do you believe is one of the biggest communication barriers between parents and children?
G: The root of the communication barrier between parent and child is simply a lack of understanding. The world looks very different to a child than to an adult, yet we work very hard to train children to fit into our adult world. We get frustrated when they have tantrums or when they don’t do what we say. We get angry when they lie to us or ignore us. One of the things I teach parents to do is to learn to decode behavior. While we can certainly choose to punish a child for not behaving in a way that is acceptable to us, it is far more effective to take the time to understand why they are behaving in such a way. When we begin to understand and validate their feelings, as well as their need not to comply with us, we quickly see a turnaround in their level of cooperation. We get back a lot more from our kids when we are willing to give of ourselves, as well.
S: Can you briefly explain the concept of attachment parenting? Why do you feel it’s effective?
G: Attachment parenting is, without a doubt, extremely effective. It is based on years of research that show that children need a secure bond with at least one adult in order to thrive as independent, confident, compassionate individuals. The secure bond makes a child feel safe enough to be his authentic self without fear of judgment, criticism or punishment. This attachment, or secure bond, is created from the time an infant is born. By co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding and responding to baby’s cries parents can build that bond, resulting in a deep trusting relationship between parent and child.
S: What are some of the clues you’ve seen that there’s a lack of respect by the parent for the child? Why is respect for the child so important?
G: The lack of respect for children comes from the traditional parenting approach that says a parent’s role is to control and mold a child into a proper adult. There is the all-too-common belief that, if left to their own devices, kids will take advantage and will not be able to discern between right and wrong. Consequently, parents turn to tactics (time-outs, gold stars, grounding, yelling, etc.) in order to control children’s behavior. This perception is incongruent with the notion of mutual respect. How can we have respect for someone who we believe to be lazy, manipulative and incapable?
Ironically, the only way to teach a child true respect, and to teach them to respect us, is by showing our respect for them. We can train kids to behave in ways that we feel are respectful, but unless we offer them our respect as well, they will not learn the true meaning of the word.
S: Why is it so important to let our children be authentic?
G: By allowing kids to be authentic, that is that they are free to explore and respond to the world in a way that is natural to them, we build in them a self-confidence that will carry them throughout their lives. Again, a child that is respected will naturally have respect for others and the world around. When we teach our children that it is safe for them to be who they are, that they are respected, supported and loved unconditionally they are free to become independent, responsible, compassionate and self-directed adults. What more could we want for our kids?
Gila Brown, M.A., is a Child Development Specialist and Parent Educator in Los Angeles, CA, and author of a soon-to-be-released parenting book exploring the application of attachment theory principles for parents of double-digit kids. For more parenting information, you can visit her at www.GilaBrown.com.
Posted in Guest Bloggers | Tagged attachment parenting, children, communication, family, family issues, kids, parenting, parenting coach, respect | 2 Comments »
Thanks to Amanda Keefer from Mamma Mia for guest posting for me today!
I am officially diagnosing myself with a case of conception anxiety. I now truly believe this is the reason a “higher power” arranged my first child as a surprise. How would I ever have deemed it was “time”?
When are you ready? No one is every really ready to become a parent or even to become a parent for the second time.
There is always something lurking in the shadows of your parenting plans. There is the fact that the condo is too small and the housing market stinks. Will it ever sale? Then there are those student loans that in all honesty, should be paid off by now. (Shame on me and my almost thirty-year-old self.) How much strain would a new addition put on the relationship between my daughter’s father and I?
Then there are the people who tell you you’ve waited too long between children, you haven’t waited long enough or the best… you’re too young or too old.
My daughter turned three in April. My sister and I are two years apart in age and I always thought I’d follow suit in my procreation. Not the case.
I’m definitely not pregnant yet, and only beginning to think about it. I do know myself and know if I’m going to do it I better do it now before I become too comfortable with the idea of never changing another diaper again.
I wonder, will I be able to be a good mom of two or am I better as a mother of one? How do you know when the time is right or do you just take the plunge?
The only real advice I have is to steer clear of the “Are You Ready For Kids” quizzes online. They would give the go ahead to… well, you know what I mean.
There’s a lot to think about, as you’ll see in this article from families.com. Enjoy the reading, but in the end, I don’t think you’ll find an answer anywhere, but in your own heart.
Posted in Guest Bloggers | Tagged kids, parenting, family, children, mom, conception | 1 Comment »
I was reading Amanda’s blog over at Mamma Mia the other day and she was talking about the reactions she got from people when she mentioned that she was leaving her daughter with her parents for a week. She got responses like, “Wow, you must really trust your parents,” as well as people who seemed amazed that she could be away from her daughter for that long.
Seriously? Are people really that protective of their kids that staying with Grandma and Grandpa for awhile becomes too much of a stretch?
I understand separation anxiety. I’ve experienced plenty of it myself, especially because the kids’ grandma has always loved to take them for pretty decent stretches at a time. I used to really struggle with them being gone, but it has happened so many times now that I don’t really think twice about it. It’s good for everyone — the kids get quality time with their grandparents and absolutely LOVE going there and I get some much-needed time off. I don’t see any negative in this picture.
Since I’m headed to a convention tomorrow, I dropped the kids off at their grandparents’ house this evening, gave them all a kiss and hug, and left without so much as a tear on either side. Sure, I’ll miss them, and I’m betting they’ll miss me too (after a few days, anyway), but my experience has shown time and time again that getting a break makes me appreciate them all that much more when I get them back.
Suffice it to say that I don’t see the big deal about leaving kids with their grandparents. Some of my very best memories are of times I spent at my grandparents’ houses for extended periods. Those relationships are important too, not just the relationships with Mom and Dad.
Might I also add that my own kids better be just as willing to let their kids stay with me or there’s going to be trouble! I jest, but seriously, I can’t think of anything much nicer than having your grandkids stay for awhile.
Have you left the kids with their grandparents for any extended period of time? How did you feel about it? How did they feel? Was it a postive or negative experience?
Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged children, family, kids, mom, parenting | 6 Comments »
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