parenting by trial & error

When I was single and first married, i.e., before I had kids, I was a fabulous housekeeper. My house was always sparkling and straightened up almost perfectly. I was a little obsessive about it, plus it was remarkably easy to keep that way, even though I felt like I was constantly cleaning up after my husband.

Ha! The kids make their father look like Martha Stewart. 

I’ve noticed that my housekeeping standards have continued to decline with each successive kid, but I never quite understood why. I thought it was because four kids are messy and very difficult to keep up with. While that’s certainly part of it, I realized this past week the main reason I always feel ten steps behind.

I’m tired. So very tired.

The kids were at their grandparents’ house all last week and I was home alone. It was amazing — I barely had to do anything at all. Just a quick clean-up here and there, plus I think I only did something like two loads of laundry instead of the usual twenty. It was wonderful to not have to worry nearly as much about the house falling apart.

When the kids arrived home yesterday morning and I started getting back into the routine of getting them breakfast and cleaning up, I realized how much energy I had thanks to my vacation. I also realized how much work four kids, especially four kids who are home all day, really are. Even if I weren’t working at home part-time, it would be a full-time job just to make sure the house is reasonably clean, the yard is mowed, the kids are fed and bathed and that I’ve spent some time with them.

As it is, something has to get less attention, and that usually ends up being anything related to the house. I used to love to try out new recipes and bake cookies, cakes and breads. I bet it has been a good four years since I’ve tried anything new and baking seems to be more like a quarterly event these days. The dusty bookshelves, peeling paint and dust bunnies would have the old me cringing in horror.

However, I agree with whatever adage it is that says I’d rather have a messy house and spend time with my kids than have a spotless house and miss their growing up years. It’s impossible to do everything, so I try to do what I can, with help from the kids, and get to the other stuff when I have extra time. It always gets done eventually. In a dual between housework and paid work, the money wins every time.

So my floors aren’t sparkling, my windows are full of fingerprints and my landscaping needs a major overhaul. I don’t care. Relationships are far too important to spend all my time worrying about those things.

Because before I know it, the kids will be gone, and then I’ll have all the time in the world to keep my house spotless again.

How do you handle housework in your home?

1. You will be covered in spit-up and other bodily fluids for the first year.

2. Babies are quick, especially when diaperless — be armed with towels.

3. Getting a shower AND brushing your teeth in the same day may be too much to ask for awhile.

4. The window for running errands between feeding times whizzes by. Spend it wisely.

5. Your baby will have a major blow-out in public. More than once.

Have any to add to this list that you’ve learned the hard way?

1. You can take a shower or use the bathroom without an audience when you have kids under 5.

2. The magic marker in your toddler’s hair, ears, nose and clothing will come right out.

3. You’ll get eight consecutive hours of shut-eye once the baby starts “sleeping through the night.”

4. You won’t mind puke, poop and snot at all when it’s your own child’s.

5. Your child would never use her sleeve as a Kleenex.

6. Once you have children, you’ve got this thing down pat.

What myths would you add to this list?

1. “Mommy, you’re a princess!”

2. “You’re my best friend.”

3. “Please stay with me.”

4. “You’re the best mom I ever had!”

Want to add to the list? Post your kid’s best compliment here.